2013
The maplewood floors smelled of fresh wax and old sweat
my eyes scanned the body of the room
the windows were about 4 tati’s stacked tall
The only carpet in the house was the front door mat
my shoes were sheltered with the others
the cold wood fogged below my every step
The only friend I had invited me there
my first snow day spent away from my family
the first time my body was touched by impure thoughts
2015
The taste of vodka was clinging to my every word
my goal of the night was to feel giddy like
the other girls who boast of their latest frogs
The memory of a gray, uncomfortable couch lingers
my eyes had to adjust to the darkness
the smell of a familiar laundry detergent grew
The next day I was the talk of the bottom floor hallway
my 3 consonants were the loudest of the whispers and posters
the way any first kiss and hand job should be memorialized
2017
The first time I tried a Four Loko was that September
my one and only attended college basketball game
the boy from Bentleigh’s hallway was coming with us
The sour apple indeed turned sour, quickly
my senses were getting fuzzy
the outcome of the game will never be known
The next morning I finally closed my eyes
my skin reeked of disgust and hatred
the last time I will ever resign in a chess game
2019
The years of old garbage was being dragged along
my mind would dig through it to find food for today’s meal
the old mentalities creating my sexual reality
The first time I was told to stop comparing men
my thoughts were overwhelmed with counterpoints
the universe came to delete my “men are shit” reminder
The lights were on and I didn’t turn to hide
my vulnerabilities displayed to a direct pair of eyes
the way I never knew sex was meant to be seen
